Meh

I had a generally good day today, but I feel generally blah anyway. I've had bursts of productivity and inspiration, but sometimes these little bursts make me realize how many things -- and in how many places -- are seeking my attention.

This is a habit from a time when I was truly overwhelmed. Back then, no matter what I was doing it felt like the wrong thing because so many other things also demanded my attention. I felt like I couldn't win.

I've since simplified my life so that I can live more intentionally. But sometimes it's hard to relearn the habits, primarily because the habits themselves are more causal than symptomatic of my stressful times. Some part of me wants to to feel busy and whelmed, so I seek out a life of constant stress and distraction. It's a struggle.

Today it feels better to just recognize this without feeling like it must be fixed or changed (that would just be another stressor!) Perhaps tomorrow I will try to breathe.

Photo notes: Out of focus backscatter from out a winter evening snowfall, taken 2/1/2010